a pattern come full circle

My mother, who is a psychic, was ordained a minister in the Church of the Holy Grail in Santa Cruz in the 1970s. As a result of her studies with the church, she held classes at her house for many years. The classes encompassed all kinds of metaphysical teachings from readings to hands-on healings.

When I was 19 or so, home from college for a few days, I joined her class for an evening. That particular evening she did an exercise where she handed around a sealed envelope with something in it. We each held the envelope in our hands, closed our eyes, and then spoke what we saw or felt.

When the envelope came to me, I remember being unsure having never done anything like this before and then surprised when a vision, almost like a movie, came to me of a young native American youth sitting astride a brown and white Appaloosa pony up on a bluff above my village. Somehow I knew he and I were the same person.

From up on the bluff, I could clearly see all the intimate details of village life laid out below: woven baskets of food, furs spread in the sun, smoke from the tipis, children running and hooting, women cooking and weaving, and horses grazing nearby.

Next to me was an elder - a shaman. He was speaking with me about what I was to do in my life. It was a quiet, unhurried conversation as we sat on our horses in the morning sun watching the village.

I never forgot this vision and now it has returned to me full circle.

I have spent the last few years healing my Divine Feminine self. When I was visited by two snakes last May, I realized I had not acknowledged the role of the Divine Masculine nor has it held a true place in my life. My spiritual work this summer was to release old negative patterns from the hurtful, unbalanced relationships I have had with men.

These energies manifested in a cyst in my body which had to be removed 10 days ago. Before my surgery I sensed an entity waiting patiently to manifest. After the surgery, as I moved out of the fog of anesthesia and pain into healing, I began painting a third angel painting in which the angel holds the cyst from which emerges transformed energies in the form of a bejeweled butterfly.

As that painting progressed, the entity became clearer and more present. And then, Tuesday of this week, I woke up and He was here standing toe to toe with me looking in my eyes. I was taken by surprise at the quiet intensity of his presence.

I know that he is the youth I saw in my vision matured now into a strong, fierce, patient, sure man. A powerful man who has no need to look in others eyes for approval. He has a place now in my heart. And he wants me to paint him.