Crossed the golden gate

off to paint...

I am off to northern California tomorrow for a couple days. Painting workshop! I am really looking forward to it. The workshop is one on one with a very experienced successful painter. I have to admit to being just a bit nervous but also very excited that she agreed to do the workshop with me.

power whacko

Ok, now I know the energy patterns in my life are doing another adjustment. I lost a sketchbook over a week ago and it reappeared in the living room last night. Where I had looked four times. Kiddo and I lost an umbrella in a small store and could NOT find it again. Had to leave my biz card in case it turns up. Lost an earring I just bought. A check I mailed a week ago has not appeared where it should have.

I have been dealing with strange and multiple symptoms in my body all week which finally are resolving themselves but not without lots of confusion and pain.

And now? I went to print out two docs I need for my trip north and the GFI circuit blows up and takes out something all the wall plugs in my studio and then some from what we can tell. Time for a cleansing in my studio - one with a big focus on grounding!

avatar

I went to see Avatar yesterday. I have heard much from friends, professors, and others about the symbology and storyline so I decided it was time. Time very well spent. As someone who has spent the last few years of her life studying, practicing, and exploring earth-based Goddess history and traditions, the movie sends a powerful message.

A female deity, several strong women characters, a living planet with a soul in which all beings are connected in a web of life, and an indigenous people that take back their planet and do not succumb to colonizing all tell a very different story than our Western culture has been spoon feeding us for the last 2000 years or more.

It is encouraging to me to know that many young people have watched this movie and been exposed to these concepts. This is how we insert new patterns into our culture - through the arts and media. Showing that one man cannot do it all himself, thereby blowing up the false hero myths is wonderful. Showing rituals and deep bonding with the environment clearly tell a tale that these things are not "evil". Evil in this movie is finally named for what it is - hierarchical, patriarchal, and money-grubbing.

For me, one of the best parts of the movie is when Neytiri yells "She heard you, She heard you!" The planet has a soul and is truly alive.

Clouds coming in

Ruffles from fairy scissors?

Scarves for Brigit

More signs of spring

thesis proposal approved!

Today my thesis proposal was officially approved by my thesis chair. Whoohoo! The next gate is ethics review. Then the work truly begins. Its going to be very interesting to see how my thesis grows into what it will be.

Signs of spring

frozen melting away

There is an old pattern in my life that I am shedding and sending on its way. A friend said it was like a frozen idea that was finally melting away. So I had this thought to symbolize the melting away though a piece of art. How does one make something that holds content, looks like it was frozen and is now melting?

I got a very small rectangular glass vase at Daiso and glued waxed paper on the outside to make it look frozen. Now I have to think about content and melting. I keep thinking about those odd little toys with colored waters or oils in them and if I could make up something like that. I want to put words and figures in and I dont want them to disintegrate. So I am still creating ideas for this one.

In the meantime, I am finalizing my thesis proposal and will hopefully have it signed off on Thursday!

soaking up a little love

There is a rather large cat curled up in my lap while I sit here in front of the computer. He is quite determined to take a nap in a spot that does not fit him well and jostles him when I type. It is his choice to stay there soaking up a little love.

There are those who say we humans will do anything for love. It makes me wonder though. The best kind of love comes from inside of each of us. It starts with loving ourselves - accepting us for who we are.

If we start there, inside of us, does that change what we will do for love? Will we take the time to take care of ourselves? Will we stop listening for approval or disapproval from others? Will we listen to our own hearts and honor our selves? Will we indulge in nurturing ourselves by resting when we need to? Eating healthy foods? Will we play and dance when we want to? Will we give ourselves permission to love ourselves? What will we do for love?

Lady of the waters in progress

Somehow its very appropriate that I have been painting her on a stormy day. The wind is blowing more strongly, the wind chimes are singing, the leaves and trees are dancing. And she is reaching for the storm clouds. Spring is coming...

warming up the words

A week of odd energies flying through the universe. I am very glad Mercury went direct today and we are moving out of what was a heck of a retrograde. I have been slowly moving back into my thesis topic. Warming up the words, changing the sheets, fluffing the pillows, and generally getting comfortable with it again.

Another layer of understanding has unearthed itself. I wrote my final paper for my Female Shamanism class on the topic of female shamanic initiation experiences. I realized that there is a thread in my thesis around unearthing female shamans in our so-called modern society. Specifically, looking to the experiences that women artists who create sacred art have had in their lives. What brought them to create sacred art? Were they called? Did they have a life changing experience?

I hope the answers to these questions and recent research on the female shamanic path will unveil some interesting correlations. Whatever is unearthed will be a treasure to ponder - that's the nature of the process I am in.

What is a sacred text?

I have my first class on Sacred Texts tomorrow. We are to bring altar items that represent sacred texts, which for me is an intriguing question. I have been thinking about it all week. What do I consider to be a sacred text?

What is a sacred text? Something I live by? Rules? Words? Moral standards? Hmmm. Something that invokes the Divine? Closer. Prayers? Chant? Song? Images? Does it have to contain text? What about symbols that invoke the Divine? Is a sacred text something that contains the Divine? Defines it? Honors it?

Answering the question is harder then it seems. I know that for some, the answer is 'the bible.' An answer that doesn't work for me. The bible is simply a book of myths taken far too literally.

So what am I taking to class? The Goddess writes on Her earth in many ways. Patterns are a form of text and prayer so I am bringing pictures, a book of prayers by women, the Language of the Goddess by Marija Gimbutas, which is full of symbols of the Divine Feminine, and the Motherpeace Tarot deck.

Through Her Eyes: Images of the Divine Feminine

Come and see the art show I am curating. It includes the artwork from seven graduates of the Women's Spirituality Masters program. Putting the show together is my community service practicum and its been fun. Lots of logistics and the opportunity to meet other artists and be around great art.

I am still putting the finishing touches on the show. I will finish up tomorrow and the show officially opens on Monday Jan. 11th.

Grandmother Ocean

Blue Moon Abundance Working

Gold flakes and tinsel,
essential oil of oak for longevity and good luck,
essential oil of chicory for granting wishes,
prosperity oil for abundance,
adventurine stones for attracting wealth,
a few rose hip seeds for kindness,
one little turquoise for power and good luck.

Mix all together in a little glass bowl and set out in the Blue Moonlight to soak up energy. Later, fish out the stones to put in your wallet and purse. Or, you can leave the bowl on your altar under a picture of Lakshmi and visualize abundance and prosperity. Or, annoint a chunk of chrysophrase with the oil and carry that with you. Jade is good to use too. Put the stones in a gold or yellow bag tied with gold cord.

Or do all of them and spread abundance throughout your life! May this year be filled with abundance and prosperity, balance and good health, new life and happiness for all.

a gift of clarity?

Last night the glasses I lost several months ago appeared from under my bed. Everything under the bed was pulled out and cleaned after I lost the glasses. I now this as I spilt water down there and had to mop it all up. The glasses were right next to the power strip which I know I moved out of there. Go figure.

Makes me think the Goddess is sending some extra clarity. Maybe I am going to need two pairs of glasses in the coming months? I receive this find as a gift and give thanks for clarity in my life.

Progressing ...

It begins anew

Happy Solstice!

The Soltice Grrrls return!

The Solstice Grrrls return! I found them hanging out by the lavender chatting in the maple leaves. Solstice is almost here and they are looking forward to all those wonderful Yule rituals. They plan on dancing and singing all night. And if anyone can sing the Sun back, they can! Put on your dancing shoes and bring your voice! Time to party!!

Solstice is near

Spiral me down into the dark
Let my body soak in the waters of the rain
Let my mind drift with the memories of clouds
As I burrow down into the crevices in the rocks
Gestating
Dark, deep dark, pulls me inward
Close warmth drawn tight around me
Pulsing
The heart of the dark holds me, protects me
Peacefully cradled, no hurry, no rush
I savor the dark quiet
The cloak of warm solitude regenerates my spirit
Dark is now
Soon light will come
Tendrils of light that weave their way downward
Tendrils that grow stronger each day
Tendrils that tap on my warm dark self to come out in the sun
Soon, soon.

the feminine shamanic tradition

I finally finished the paper for my class on Female Shamanism today. The topic was shamanic initiatory experiences. I used the latest research from Barbara Tedlock which is far more encompassing then Mircea Eliade's outdated Shamanism book. She speaks of the feminine shamanic tradition as being a path in which women, and sometimes men, are birthed into shamanism, as opposed to dying into shamanism in the masculine tradition. She backs it up with many excellent examples.

I explored the stories of four women including my mother's and my own. I looked for experiences that follow the pattern of feminine shamanism as defined by Tedlock. One of the conclusions I came to is that since the 1950s when Eliade's book was published, women as shamans has been overlooked, submerged, and unrecognized. Looking through the lens that Tedlock offers, suddenly I realized there are women healers, psychics, and artists walking the path of feminine shamanic tradition in Western culture. Not everywhere but they are there which is a very comforting thought to me.

only do those things that inspire you

I am laying in bed reviewing my life, so to speak. My body has been swingly wildly out of balance over the last several weeks telling me it was time to stop everything not absolutely essential. I am reminded of a journey I did a few years ago in which the shaman I encountered told me I had to change my ways or responsibility would come back and take over again and make me sick. Its like gray tentacles that get into everything.

I remember this because I spent a chunk of the day wandering through old journal entries over the last couple years ostensibly looking for shamanic journeys I have done that correlate to shamanic initiatory experiences. (All for a paper I have due which will get done when it gets done.) I found all kinds of gems. Gold hands. Crystals. Waterfall cleansings. Animals. Fire.

Walking a shamanic path is by no means an easy path. However, there are moments of lucidity, awareness, and knowing I am on the path I am meant to be on that make it all worth the challenges. When a vision comes through as a painting, it is a gift. When I have that feeling of being held by the Goddess. When I realize how much more I sense the energies of our Mother Earth. When I feel the healing energy moving through my hands. Its all a gift.

I have changed the way I walk on this earth and I suspect there is more work to do as there always is. For now, I am resting and integrating and nurturing myself. Sometimes, there is only so much doing that can be done. As a friend of mine told me today, do everything slower for a while. Walk slower - take five more minutes to get somewhere. Only do those things that inspire you.

Dawn

Sunrise not sunset...

overgrown donkey

Ok, I finally bit the bullet, as they say, and starting taking steroids for the chronic allergic bronchitis. After three weeks of misery, I am actually feeling better. I still have a cough like a overgrown donkey, but it has lessened. I still need to sit and catch up with my breathing when I move too fast, but not as much.

I am shifting the patterns of how I live my life while getting healthy so that I won't have this happen again anytime soon. Notice the relationship between stress and allergies? Notice the relationship between cleaning filthy houses and allergies? Notice the relationship between behavioral patterns with my father and stress?

Change the way I react so the behavioral patterns change to being less stressful. Just say no when it comes to packing and cleaning parents house. Encourage allergies to calm down gently with rest, herbs, and spiritual practices. Try not to scare the cats when I cough like an overgrown donkey.

Looking thru in progress

time to sit in stillness

Today I rested again watching movies all day. Painted a bit but the light in my studio is not good late afternoon. Got to thinking about how the patterns of my old life are ones of being driven, always having to DO something. There is much stress and tension in such a life style. It's hard to sit in stillness.

Being present in the moment, living each moment fully takes a different approach to life. Letting things unfold naturally means trusting and letting go. There are times to do and times to rest. When I am aware of the moment and present, its easier to tell if the time is now that something is to be done - or my attention can go to something else.

Living in the flow of life as opposed to trying to force it to do what you want is a much more peaceful, intuitive way to live. It takes some getting used to. I sit in stillness and am aware how much the voice of practicality wants to organize and do things. However, I ask my heart if its time to 'do' what the voice pushes me to do. Most of the time the answer is no and that stops the voice - a way of training the voice to quiet itself until it is truly needed.

pulling patterns apart...

I am home having Tday by myself - if I dont consider the cats and neighbors checking in on me. Figuring out the patterns I need to release or reconstruct so I can be healthy. What's wrong? A bad case of chronic allergic bronchitis. Or, lots of old energy stuck in my throat and chest.

The old energy is about stripping away the patterns that hold me back from following my heart. The ones that tell me I am a bad person for following my heart. Yet, when I pull the patterns apart, its clear that when I follow my heart's desire, I am more at peace inside myself, more in touch with who I truly am, and better able to respond and relate to others.

The voice comes from my childhood when I was attacked for speaking my heart's desire. The attack shut down me down and resulted in my creating armor and hiding part of me. In me trying very hard, as children will do, to win the approval of parents by doing the 'right' thing. Except there is no such thing as the 'right' thing.

With each deep breath, I clear and cleanse my chest expeling old patterns that do not aid me any longer. With each deep breath, I inhale love and support for my heart's desire. I relax my throat releasing the tension that holds it closed. I open my throat and allow my heart to speak its desires with confidence and strength.

you tell him mom

Deck the halls withe disco lights
Fa la la la la la la la la
Flashing in time to Disney holiday songs
Fa la la la la la la la la

Forget that turkey, get to buying
Fa la la la la la la la la
Dolls and clothes, toys and gadgets
Fa la la la la la la la la

Kiddo is not interested in Turkey Day. She is only interested in December and what that month brings. Her birthday and Yule aka Xmas aka reasons to get lots of presents. She has already dragged me to one store to show me the "ATM Bank" that acts like a real ATM and counts money for you. She wants the game of Life and yet MORE clothes for her many dolls.

So I said, write a letter to Santa and tell him what you want. She very seriously replied, "Momma, it will never get there. He lives WAY up north. Here let me show you." She proceeds to show me on the world map she has where we live and where Santa lives.

Its clear to me that our schools teach way too much logic with not enough emphasis on magic. I told her, "it worked when I was a kid." She thought about that and started writing a list and told me I could tell Santa for her. Because, after all, it worked for me as a kid.

What is she looking at?

sifting

Sifting through patterns slowly emerging, I can feel them almost in view. A piece moves around understanding shamanic initiation and how that manifests in women. Another piece is how shamanic initiatory experiences correlate to kundalini awakenings. And then there is a piece around healing, sound, and speaking my wants.

All of this is about how the snake energy is moving through my body healing old wounds so the energy can flow freely.

It is about learning to listen to my body, to what is manifesting. Then speaking the healing for what is manifesting which is to name the wound, the injury. Naming it pulls it out of me so it can be healed. Naming it changes the vibration. Writing a poem that pulls out the essence and when you speak the poem the essence heals into something new.

Its a visceral thing, I feel like I am being led in ways that I have no context for. Feeling in the dark when the only thing I can feel is resonance and dissonance.